How to Snorkel — Real Good and Cheap

I snorkeled once and, brother, do I have advice for you. Especially you first-timers. To snorkel, you need a mask (so you can see), a long tube to breathe out of (you clamp it between your teeth), and hopefully some flippers on your feet — to make you faster. It’s a bummer to be chased by a shark and it gains on you because you forgot your flippers. My brother’s the only one I know of who has feet like flippers, naturally. Use flippers.

For a mask — hey, go cheap, bum one from someone. If water leaks in, it doesn’t fit. So stuff the cracks with cotton or chewing gum. Works dandy. I should know. First time I went out I used my sunglasses and masking tape. Had to switch to duck tape to finish the job. That worked dandy, too. It was a pain to get off, but hey, we all have to make sacrifices in the name of adventure.

A word to the wise, don’t stick the mask over your mouth too. Dumb. Then there’s no room for the tube or snorkel. First time out, I used a paper towel roll. But it got soggy real fast. Made a beeline for the hardware store and found a nifty J fitting from the plumbing section. Works fine. A little large for your mouth, but hey, it’s that sacrifice thing again. Just make sure it hasn’t been used before—that sucks. You might want to put a bit of screening over the top part that will stick out of the water — so nasty things can’t get in. Dang things got a straight line for your mouth. Yuck. If one gets in, think whale food — trolling for plankton! Ha! Also, some folks have a ping pong ball trapped in their tubes. Can’t figure out what it’s for, but if you’re partial to that sort of thing, well, help yourself. It could bob happily between the screen and your mouth. Just don’t swallow it. Nasty.

Well, that’s the two most important parts of your gear. Flippers are important too. Mostly. If you can’t borrow some, then make’em. Isn’t hard. Old roof shingles work pretty decent. Use the duck tape again or tie them on. And they come with handy indents too, for the string. What more could you ask for?

Now the actual “in the water” part. Be careful. Pack a first aid kit with baking soda (for itchy things), iodine (for scratches), band aids, a rubber knife (metal ones rust), a baggie of dog chow (to feed the friendly critters) and other good stuff. Then when you step on something that doesn’t like you, you can easily whip out your first-aid kit and patch yourself up. Or distract the nasty ones with the chow.

Now, the essentials of In The Water—