Recently, Jooeuroew Boiejslkdjf, or "Joe" to his friends and business associates, opened his new office in Montpelier on Cypress Street. He was interviewed as part of a series on entrepreneurs appearing on the scene in Vermont. The interview took place in his spacious quarters, utterly devoid of any personal touches or business necessities. We sat on the floor in a spot of sunshine scratching its way through filthy windows.
He says his aim in life is to introduce some chaos and inefficiency into the world. That we have become too complacent with the current methods of efficient government and business. His interview—
CC—I understand that you are an expert at inefficiency.
JOE—That's right. I specialize in chaos.
CC—Any particular reason?
JOE—Yes, it's a great boon to the economy.
CC—You must be kidding. A boon?
JOE—Sure. Think of it this way: Say the road crews fill that pothole poorly, with a bumpy surface—or worse, miss it altogether, leaving that gaping hole for cars to bounce around in. Think of the repairs required on all those cars. It's a great boon to the repair shops.
CC—Sounds like collusion to me.
JOE—No, no. You don't get it. If all those cars go in for repairs, then the shops' employees earn money, they in turn spend it, so the next guy earns money and he can spend it. Maybe at the business of the guy whose car he just repaired. See?
CC—Sounds like an endless circle of repairs to me.
JOE—No, no. It's like a stone thrown into a pond with the ripple effect spreading out farther and farther. So maybe the car is wrecked. (He threw his hands up.) Just think, the car dealer earns money, maybe lots of money and he can spend his money at local shops. See what I mean?
CC—What about the work ethic? Don't the repair people get a little upset at seeing all their hard work wrecked almost immediately? Isn't that discouraging?
JOE—Discouraging? Just think—when else would anyone get the chance to correct a job. Fix their mistakes. You know the danged thing's coming in again. Think of it as on-the-job training. Why, isn't this the best way to handle the apprenticeship programs? Hell, I think it's a great idea. Practice, practice, practice.
CC—Sounds like a waste of time at the repair shops and a waste of new cars getting trashed at that pothole. All right, what about this one. What do you have to say about getting a printing job done and it gets printed wrong and must be reprinted. You're going to tell me that you think that is great for business?
JOE—Naturally. Think of all the paper that will get recycled, keeps the recycling people busy. Keeps the print shop busy reprinting their mistakes. Keeps the paper manufacturers busy making more paper, and the saw mills busy cutting more trees. That old endless cycle again. Lots of jobs and money.
CC—What about the poor sap whose job is trashed and has to wait for his job? If all the print shops made the same mistakes then all the work would get backed up!
JOE—Yeah. (A beatific smile creases his chubby face.) Then someone would have to open more print shops to handle the work load. Productive, ain't it?
CC—But that same poor sap might miss some business by having his announcements or big mailing printed and mailed late!
JOE—Then he'd have to plan ahead and add time for these little contingencies. Planning ahead is good.
CC—But, what's the point of introducing all these problems and stumbling blocks into the path of progress?
JOE—Progress, smogress. (He shakes his head, frustrated.) See. This is the problem I'm running into with the world. They just don't understand my theories.
CC—I can see why. It's always better if life and business run smoothly. Contracts out on time; jobs finished in a timely manner. You know, just running smoothly. Keeps the nerves from fraying.
JOE—But that's just it. If you introduce an element of chaos into the picture, then it keeps everyone on their toes. Sort of like a kick in the derriere. Let me explain. (He wriggled up from his comfy slouch on the hard floor.) Take a town meeting or a House debate, if some clown didn't stand up and argue like hell, something might get done! Now where would we be? I ask you?
CC—Living happily?
JOE—Wrong. Suffering. That's what we'd be, suffering. See—the mother of all invention is inefficiency. It was inefficient to run messages or have to learn to tap codes out of a key on a wire. Why not just pick up a phone and call someone? See? We got the telephone. Now, if you want a piece of the moon, invent a rocket and go get it. That was done too. Tired of dust flying everywhere? Invent the vacuum cleaner. Get it?
CC—But these were all inventions to make life more efficient. Not to introduce chaos.
JOE—By gum, you're catching on. We need more inventions just now. We're running out of 'em.
CC—You must be kidding! We have more new inventions all the time. In fact, some people just can't handle all the new gizmos and gewgaws coming onto the market as it is! Remember when the British went decimal with their money? Old ladies were jumping out of windows in desperation. A recent survey showed that 98% of the population can't program their VCRs!
JOE—You got it! Chaos! (He leaned forward.) I'm darned good, aren't I?
© 1994 Kitty Werner